Self Discovery and Shared Experiences
Posted byyourselfunderstoodJanuary 8, 2020Posted inUncategorized
You know the easiest way to have perspective is when your outside of or away from the situation your needing perspective… obviously. Sounds easy but as you also know it’s not always that clear cut. I had a work situation going on a few weeks ago, code for a mini-crisis that was created by others around me and now needed to be resolved. During those few days as the emotions grew and the strong need for us to assign responsibility(ie:blame) to the event, believing that will create a way to solve, things seemed to get thicker and more entangled. At first I got grumpy and had blinders on as it felt urgent and needed to answer now. Then I realized, as you probably have, it is less about the specifics of the problem and more about the intent, timing and magnitude of the issue that matters. Perceived crisis always seems to fall into one of several categories; 1) Must solve now or it forfeits something major in the future 2) Need to solve within 3 to 5 days in order to meet a short-term goal or commitment 3) It can be deferred for some amount time without impact to the value of the outcome or 4) It’s drama or not significant and doesn’t really effect your core, nothing to do, wait it out. Here are some ideas to get some perspective when you need it no matter what category of difficulty you are dealing with;
First, take a deep breath, get a clear line of site through the filters about what the core issue is and the top 3 to 5 parameters that effect the situation. For each problem, write a single sentence for the issue and up to 5 perimeters surrounding the issue. You don’t need to solve, just get very specific on outlining the problem statement and significant influencers. For me, I tend to over think the issue and get isolationist in my views of what can effect it vs what is really being said or the actual problem. Then struggle on seeing the balance of parameters effecting the outcome. No matter the crisis and initial perspective, be sure to make yourself aware to not fall into focalism.Focalism(sometimes called the focusing illusion) is the tendency for people to give too much weight to one particular piece of information when making judgments and predictions(1). When you get to facts and view it as; what would a judge say the issue was, how would a scientist provide a holistic view of the parameters/options around a situation. Sometimes, as you go through this foundational step, what may happen is that the difficulty lessens as you see more options and may move in priority.
1) Must solve now or it forfeits something major in the future. No doubt this one is hard as time is portably not your friend and the more you wait the less choices you have. The intent is to get it done ASAP, pricing bid to customer, contract deadline or promised made to a friend would be a view that come to mind. The magnitude of the situation really depends on your point of view and only you know the long-term impact. Trust yourself here, you did the work, and know you made the right call to place this problem in the must solve now category. Since the deadline is not a variable we can effect much in this situation, one technique to try is gifting yourself a small window of time to separate from it. Literally set the timer on your phone for 35 minutes and go for a walk, do another project, get lunch, call a friend or something totally unrelated to the issue. This has a few positive effectives; one is emotional distance, it reduces the urgency for a few minutes and allows your subconscious/limitless universe to work a little on your behalf. When you come back to the issue, you will have a little distance and new fledgling ideas to solve your original problem statement.
2) Need to solve within 3 to 5 days in order to meet a short-term goal or commitment. This option gives you more time to evaluate and the ability to work through some options that you might not have in scenario such as #1. It is still just as important to give yourself some distance to evaluate, create a balanced view and best path to solve. There are many approaches to creating a “objective” weighting vs subjective emotion around a given problem to help widen the lens. One approach I like to use is to list out the top possibilities I can think of, from the “do nothing” to “solve this plus some” option. The point is to think outside the box and create options, even at first if it seems far fetched, but indeed possible. It’s a 3 pillar approach, (option, timing(when), outcome of positive and negative). With a ranking of 1 – 4 of most doable of those ideas after the exercise with my long term goals, higher being better, something like;
Problem Statement: Need to get funding for tidal wave project, tapped out on line of credit and but not funding round.
- Let it go – now – free to start on something fresh / loose time and momentum. Rank = 1 as it doesn’t fit with my long term vision of what i am treating to achieve.
- Find a partner company and give ownership to get funding – 2 months – financial component solved / give up some control and equity. Rank = 3
- Pull in funding request – 1 month – financial component solved / could forfeit future rounds and devalue prematurely by setting too aggressive exceptions. Rank = 4
- Push launch – 3 months – could solve financial portion / market loss, opportunity loss and brand impact. Rank = 2
In my case I would choose the option of pulling in funding as it gives me the outcome I want with minimal impact to the longterm goal I have. The perspective gained is that there are multiple options to solve the problem and it gives a chances to weigh those, not just the first option.
3) It can be deferred for some amount time without impact to the value of the outcome. Best scenario of all as it gives the most flexibility. There is this saying that goes like; each day has it’s box, for what can be put into tomorrow’s box… place it there and close the lid. Let tomorrow take care of tomorrow, deal with the present. One way to look at the element of time is to only make decisions on what you must, the rest of it push out as more options will appear as the future unfolds into the present. You can apply the same approach of listing out possibilities and update as others emerge. It doesn’t make these issues less relevant or important, rather it allows them to have more variables in the sense of optionality as time progresses. If this doesn’t seem like a fit for your personality, try thinking of it as an unbaked cake. You wouldn’t take a cake out before it was done, it would be all doughy and gross. You would leave it in the oven until the knife you used to test the batter came out dry. Same thing applies, if you have a problem that doesn’t have to be solved right now, so be it, let it bake and see what options come to pass as you do. Trust your gut on this one, you know what is urgent and what is not.
4) It’s drama or not significant and doesn’t really effect your core, nothing to do, wait it out. Sometimes it is very hard to tell or know if this is the case. So it’s a bit of poking to figure out the game that is at hand and what the rules are or what exceptions might be at play. There are a few litmus test you can apply to validate what’s what so to speak. In business, it’s really about what’s the revenue or clear decision outcome. If there is isn’t one, then probably suspect drama. Even once you figure out it is indeed drama, as you thought from the beginning, it’s never as easy as just walk away. There are probably politics, boss issues or relationships that are at stake as well. In personal situations, it can even more exaggerated. There is also a soft time line here, not one that is immediate, if so, even more reason to maneuverer to extend closure. The goal is to create distance from this space, the intent is to disengage or minimize the disruption to you. In the case of a problem statement, you will find these issues are more about a person; Jeff will be pissed, Monica is not happy if, Mark wants this to be this way… etc etc. Again, create some space between and the issue. If it’s a request on you, then you can say something like “let me think on it and I will get back to you” or more forceful “understand what your asking, what’s the problem we are trying to solve? Why ?” This might lead them down the path of diffusing a little bit. In any case, the next thing to do is to put it away and give it time to solve or dissipate. Create a place in your mind that you can begin to sort out what is real and what is drama. Getting this centered in your mind will give you a sense of both ownership and freedom to say “no” when that time comes. You can use a meditation type approach and calmly start to breath, repeating a simple phrase; “connect to the truth, find a path through”.
All in all, the hack for getting perspective is really finding a path to separate out what you can to give yourself some breathing room to gain a broader view of the situation. Intentionally give your self the gift of time, 35 min to days or weeks if possible, there is a way to carve this out deliberately.Avoiding the pit of focalsim that can at times sway your judgment. The idea of letting your subconscious and by it’s nature the larger universe have a chance to help, many situations can loose their sense of panic and become more manageable. Remember, trust yourself and listen to that little voice inside as you clear space, it is giving you insight. You never know, it might lead you down a very different path to a solution you hadn’t thought about before.
References: (1) https://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/social-cognition/focalism/Posted byyourselfunderstoodJanuary 8, 2020Posted inUncategorized
Yourself Understood 